dumb citrus bitch

Like I know Magnus Merle and Taako get paid a tidy sum plus a magical item for every artefact they destroy and steal loot but they do NOT get paid enough to deal with this Lucas guy’s fuckin BATSHIT inventions

jennytrout:

This is the only story about a haunted sword where the haunted sword is the least interesting part of the story.

(Source: austin.craigslist.org, via lionlass7)

lolt64:

so glad the important parts of this post are completely circled so my brain doesnt fry it self trying to comprehend this complex message

you joke but have you ever tried to show a funny post to a person over 35

(via lionlass7)

m4ge:

je-suis-hetalia:

m4ge:

je-suis-hetalia:

m4ge:

buying peaches is so stressful because you have to consume them so quickly…it’s like the moment the cashier types in that number the alpha peach turns to its brothers in the bags and says “alright listen up boys, it’s time to remember your training. i want to see immense bruising by sundown. i want to see you near inedible by sunrise. remember it is better to die a free man than to be eaten.” you gotta wolf down all of your peaches at the check out counter while the trader joe’s employees eagerly look at the Peach Consumption Countdown Clock and cheer you on. these peaches have sensors on them that can tell when they come into contact with human hands so they can begin their self-destruct sequence like you’re in a spy movie and the peach just relayed a message to you about the whereabouts of jimmy hoffa’s decayed remains

Jimmy Hoffa is likely dead

this response carries so much chaotic cursed energy. jimmy hoffa was declared dead in 1982 after disappearing in 1975. he was born in 1913, meaning he would be the miraculous age of 105 today if he wasn’t dead. “likely dead.” the fact that it’s a hetalia blog trying to tell me that he is likely dead. the fact that i specifically mention his decayed corpse in my post so there is literally no reason for someone to alert me that he is “likely” deceased. the fact that this hetalia blog is trying to tell this to me, a person who up until recently literally worked for the international brotherhood of teamsters as a person in charge of handling their historical records. i spent two years of my life answering phone calls from people asking me if i personally knew what happened to jimmy hoffa’s body. ive spent a significantly longer amount of time trying to forget that hetalia exists. my entire career as a hetalia facebook roleplayer at the age of 11 just flashed through my eyes. i legitimately cannot express how much this response has effected me. ive been staring at it for 7 minutes. i feel like ive entered the twilight zone

I don’t ever remember writing that, when did I write that

everything about this is cursed

(via sonderingtrashcompactor)

hackedmotionsensors:

I think I can safely say this. 

Kingpin may be the scariest villain in the Marvel Multiverse. There’s never been a version of Kingpin that wasn’t just terrifying to me. Even when it was Michael Clark Duncan and he’s super charming and likable there’s something really scary about this big rich dude who has no qualms about killing someone with his bare hands.

Magneto isn’t scary and he’s actually really sympathetic.

Doom is just goofy as hell.

I’ve never liked Thanos because hes like a video game villain. Like he’s the annoying equivalent of finding the final boss in a FF game and its just a giant head or something stupid.

(via dibellanyx)

thatmysticbafflingwonder:

thortunes:

Imagine being Heimdall and having a spirit so generous that you could sincerely say “welcome home” to the individual who once turned you into an icicle and is now showing up 15 minutes late without Starbucks to the apocalypse that he sort of started.

THANK YOU FOR THESE TAGS, @stuffimgoingtohellfor !!!!!

also u know heimdall is like “oh good i can keep an eye on the innocent asgardians and trust these two a-holes to ruin hela’s plans” this is welcoming the rogue back to the party when there’s a fight that you can’t win on brute strength alone this is “thank fuck the murder bitch is home, we could use some general stabbery”

(Source: karlmordo, via thebibliosphere)

beheeyem:

me posting about shit NO ONE fucking cares about besides me

(via dibellanyx)

7eyeddemongirl:

its all very sexy of us ladies to realize just how fucking angry we all are

(via dibellanyx)

incartis:

sameboot:

sameboot:

sameboot:

sameboot:

today i got some columbian food in the back of a haunted mall how was everyone else’s day

ok i will tell the tale

so im taking this spanish class, spanish professor wanted us to go out to eat to practice. im all prepared, i punch in the address and drive 2 the place. turns out this place isnt really a restaurant so much as it is a small habitable zone at the back of a vast, empty mall

there was dead silence and darkness. 90% of the outlets were shut down and blocked off

it was 2 o’clock on a Saturday, but this mall was COMPLETELY barren. an air of powerful curses hung in the air. none of the escalators were working, i had to hike up one like stairs

of course once i got to the restaurant i had a nice time and some p good food and a guy with a saxophone serenaded us with covers of pop hits

my freinds, it was surreal

so my plans got really mixed up today and i decided to revisit the cursed mall while i was in the area! it seems things have gotten even stranger

for the most part, it is still the creepy empty mall it has always been. but this time even less stores were open, even the columbian restaurant was closed.

the food court, which was slightly open before, was utterly barren, and for some reason slightly sped-up mexican sounding music played over the completely empty venue

this was a particularly strange outlet, where instead of the remains of a store, there was a neatly set up classroom in the display window

oh

you’ve crossed into a place untouched by mortals and you need to avoid this place, or else the next time you enter that place, you may never return

(via rebel-in-ink)

bipolar-bubbeleh:

digitaldiscipline:

gen-is-gone:

must-be-mythtaken:

must-be-mythtaken:

Hot take: Westley is way too dramatic and Extra ™ to not be bisexual.

He can fence with either hand, if you catch my drift

By this logic, which is utterly impeccable, so is Inigo.

Of course he is. That was the most flirtatious sword fight in cinematic history. You could literally cut the sexual tension with 2 swords.

(via spacetrashpile)

commander-ledi:

i have uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh four personality traits. and they are

• chronic back pain
  
• monster fucking
• gay
• video game

(via jinlile)

greylina:

a well balanced dnd party is:

• ill punch you. ill fucking punch you if you even LOOK at me.
• Decent Person
• brooding mid 2000s scene kid
• furry

(via dibellanyx)

pinkgoodra:

pinkgoodra:

pinkgoodra:

something that bothers me is when cis lgb people see transphobia from cishets and say “smh straight people are so wild” like…. y’all know it’s not the het part of them that’s being transphobic? it’s the cis side? the cis side that you share with them?

cis members of the lgbt community, please remember you can be and often are just as transphobic as cishets, and you’re not immune to being transphobic. be better.

this is ok to reblog, especially cis people

10% of the notes are trans people who know exactly what i’m talking about and the other 90% are dumbasses refusing to rub their last two brain cells together to read the words in front of them

(via dibellanyx)

greenhairedtomato:

Coming up with theories about the D&D campaign you’re in and then telling your DM what your theories are like

(via fate-motif)